Authorised by the Marquis de Tabloid

Australians don't want war king families.  They want wanking political staffers.  They want money for nothing.  They want the Insult of Pubic Affairs and Nude Corps in charge of the federal Treasury.  They want sport, and lots of it, fully paid from the public purse.  They want beer, wine and gin lanes.  

Australians know what they want.  They want big houses for the rich and no houses for the poor.  They want beautiful, long lines of profitability for publicly-subsidised insurance scams in the name of private health.  They want ugly, big queues in agony in the public distress system, to act as a warning to the non-insured.  

Australians want to pay big bucks to transport traumatised refugees to dangerous places far away.  They want American spellings in their political parties, the mass media and Aussie education.  They want women in the kitchen.  They want blokes in power.  They want the return of the She'll be Right Policy and an end to red tape.

Australians want to know how to gamble away their super so they can get the aged pension quicker.  They want franking credits and negative gearing, even when they own no shares and homes.  

Australians think it's great that the kids of the rich get a fairer and fairer go through public funding of expensive schools.  

Australians think it's even greater that the sausage sizzle funded kids can't compete with the rich kids for good jobs.  Someone has to do the cleaning for less than a living wage.

Australians love their multicultural society.  It provides great takeaways.  Multiculturalism provides cheap labour to help keep the vulnerable quiet.  It helps with keeping cheap food on supermarket shelves.  It helps with cleaning the bum of discontented and incontinent uncle Fred.  It helps to keep house prices high.

When family problems happen, Australians don't want the truth to be known.  They want bored clerical contractors inside and outside government departments to decide the future of traumatised family members, based on a quick guess.

Australians don't want accountability.  They want dodgy accounting.  They want more coal mines.  They want a methane future.  They love the smell of diesel.  They want a rev-head lead economic recovery, if not a return to leaded petrol.

Australians don't care about the Great Barrier Reef.  They don't care about koalas.  They care about cheap sugar and cheap bananas.  They care about meat prices and fuel prices.

Australia's love big bushfires and flooding rains, especially when they happen in the same week.  They love gambling.  The future is a matter of luck, especially at the ballot box.